Our journey through infertility

When you think of a quest, you think of knights and dragons. Damsels in distress. That’s what our path to having children has felt like. There have been doctors that have been my knights in shining armor, giving me hope when I couldn’t conjure it myself. My PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) has been that big fire-breathing, heavily armored dragon. The only thing is, it can’t be slain. Maybe just distracted enough, so the knight can slip by. That’s the thing about PCOS. It won’t go away, but it can be tricked into settling down with meds and diet.

Let’s flash back to 2013 Audra. She was young, in love, and had no idea of the perilous journey she was about to embark on. Skylar and I had been married for 5 years at that point, and we had just seriously started talking about having kids. We were living in England, stationed at RAF Lakenheath. You never think that you’ll have difficulties becoming pregnant. That’s just not a thought that enters anyone’s mind when they’re young and healthy. Then slowly, over time the realization hits. It hits hard and painful. It was in 2013 that we first decided to see a doctor. I won’t get into the mess that is military healthcare…it’s too depressing and would take a million blog posts.

We saw a doctor on base. That experience will be a post in and of itself. I was very naive to the process. That first experience ended in miscarriage and trauma.

It took a full year and half before I was ready to pursue treatment again. We were back state side at that point and I felt that I had healed enough, and done enough research on how treatment is supposed to go. I went back to a doctor on base, armed with more knowledge. Another painful and traumatic experience later, I knew I could no longer see doctors on base for my fertility. I began to look for clinics on the outside and after much research, we landed on Utah Fertility Center.

Dr. Deirdre Conway was my light at the end of a dark tunnel. She was my breath of fresh, hope filled air. She diagnosed me with PCOS within the first 10 minutes of my first visit with her. I had not been diagnosed with anything at that point, and had been feeling like I was crazy. She went over treatment plans, and put our minds at ease. As we left her office, I remember tearing up as we walked to the car, and breaking into full out sobs when we got in. In the now years that we had been trying to have a baby, this was the first time that I felt I had a doctor on my side.

We were with the Utah Fertility Center for almost 2 years. Although we never had success with treatment, we were never made to feel like we were a lost cause. Hope remained.

The clinic we had been visiting was a sister clinic to the Utah Fertility Center, and was located in Idaho Falls. The staff was amazing and we loved it there, but it was a 3 hour drive one way. We did this multiple times a week while we were doing a treatment. The long drive, plus Skylar having to take the time from work was a huge strain.

As much as we loved that clinic and the staff, we knew we needed to find a clinic that was closer to us. It was heartbreaking to leave the Utah Fertility Center. We found the Idaho Center for Reproductive Medicine in Boise, which was a 35 minute drive from us. The commute has been such a lifted burden. With Skylar deploying so often, we haven’t had the opportunity to meet with them much, but we look forward to this year, and hopefully having a little more time.

Skylar and I are at a crossroads now. We feel that we have a decision to make, and it’s a decision that a lot of couples that struggle with infertility have to make. Do we go the IVF route? Or the adoption route? Both have their own potential for heartbreak. Both are out of this world expensive. We have trust that God will lead us to the right path.

That’s where we’re at now. At this daunting, terrifying crossroads. We are praying for peace and for clear minds, to know what we should do. We remain so hopeful! It’s been a long, hard journey to this decision, but we know that we have been blessed. 2020 is going to be an amazing year, I can feel it.

Cheers!

Audra JaNae